Puzzle Pieces

Ever since junior high, I’ve realized how deprived I was of things everyone had known or experienced already. These experiences were so natural, they seemed. They seemed to be natural parts of existence that I didn’t and still do not know about. And I’m not talking large scale, like galactic. It’s more of a cultural thing or an aspect of popular media. Things that people have always seen as monumental and epic and I had no idea.

And I feel so dumb and lame afterwards. Once I realized that I was missing that experience my entire life and that it seemed everyone had already gone past experiencing it, I felt left behind and pathetic. I felt like there was no real way for me to catch up. That even though I have time, I have no one to share the newness of this experience with me. It’s all old news to everyone already.

And also, I feel like a poser. Like if I tried to get into, it’s only because I found out how cool it is or because all my peers like it. While my peers, on the other hand, liked it because they genuinely liked it; because they knew it was going to be good at the start, not years after when they realized that everyone had already enjoyed it. Unlike me.

So where am I left now? I’m left alone to experience these things, but then what? I’m going to talk about it like I’m hot shit and I know everything when really I just experienced it to be cool and excepted. Or maybe, I’ll be humble and only talk about it when it comes up and then I can be part of the loop and no longer someone oblivious and deprived. When inside, I still know that I’ll never be genuine.

I’m really, honestly thinking too hard about this. If you, the reader, knew the specifics, you’d realize that the matter isn’t as big as I’ve made it out to be. It’s actually quite petty. But sometimes things get to me, I guess.

I keep stuff like this to myself, because it’s embarrassing.